He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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