I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
