I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
