Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
