He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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