Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
