Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
