Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
