so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
