my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
