peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
