i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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