I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
