Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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