I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
