and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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