Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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