i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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