it wasn't lemon gatorade
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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