So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
