Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
