remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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