just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
