I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
