I wanna passion pit in your ass
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
