That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He shit in the fireplace
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
