I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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