My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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