8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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