His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
