Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so let's talk penis.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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