I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
