Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
