I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
