I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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