I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you win again, gameday.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
