You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
