In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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