I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
