Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just cut my nipple shaving
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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