I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
