ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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