i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
