nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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