sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
