My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
