it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
