i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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