I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
