Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
