Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
