I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
