Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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