come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
love makes seman taste better
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
