So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
