it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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