Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
