smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
